Wednesday, April 25, 2012

fb messages being forgotten

this is a response to a facebook message after bec had cussed out someone who she felt was ignoring her.  the person who sent her the message was asking if he/she was also guilty of ignoring her and this was her response to them.( from march 21, 2011.) the theme of this and so many other messages was how alone she felt...all the time. it breaks my heart. she was very vocal about how she felt when she didn't hear from her friends for weeks and sometimes months at a time. so even though the tone of this (and many many more texts, e-mails and fb messages) was one of anger and bitterness towards her friends, the thing to take away from this do better in the future! to remember that you may have friends out there who are struggling... that are alone...that are stuck in their heads and maybe need some diversion...that are scared and feel forgotten by a world that has past them by.  how it doesn't REALLY take a whole lot of effort to brighten someone's day. LET THAT BE THE LESSON HERE!---mom.

" i was in no way talking to probably over half of my fb friends...i mean, hell, you don't live anywhere near me, i wouldn't expect anything more than all your wonderful bacony-posts.

Its the ACTUAL people that i've known since long before facebook ever existed...people who could very easily pop over to my place...those people who, when confronted on how come i haven't seen or heard from them lately, say things like "oh, i just know that you're probably overwhelmed with people trying to do things for you or whatever, i don't want to be pushy or anything" or "i think about you constantly, you're always in my heart"...bullshit.

the two friends names that i mentioned in my status (about the bestest friends i have these days are two people i barely knew a few years ago) they are friends who actually check in with just a text or something, almost every day. they ask whats going on today, or how i'm feeling, or how such n such procedure went. Not with me having to prod them to do that. not by me having to post things publically on FB for them to know maybe they should check in on me. And thats what i have real issue that so-called "friends" these days have gotten so lazy they don't bother to check in on someone themselves on their own accord anymore, no, everyone instead just gets on fb and if they happen to see an update, THEN they go send that text or make that phone call. which is why i barely ever say shit on FB anymore. It helps me narrow in on who's an actual friend. Lets take for instance my actual "best friend" (at this point, thats just a label or a title they hold, i'd barely consider them that) has no idea that a week and a half ago i had a drain tube inserted into my asscheek (yea...not my asshole, where at least there's already a hole to start with, but into the flesh of my butt cheek) to drain fluid thats been collecting in my pelvis, and then i had to keep it in since then, therefore having to stay at home b/c i can't even sit down normally, so i've been off work this whole time, sitting at home alone for the majority of the time til my mom gets off work and comes by my place to keep me company, and has no idea that yesterday blood started coming from the drain into the leg bag OR that three days before that i was in the ER cuz of another complication with it. You know how many people know any of that? i can give you an actual number. 10...TEN?!

that number is made up of:

1) my mom

2) my manager

3) my boss

4) friend jessica

5) friend sanj

6) cousin katie

7) cousin jenny

8) girl who i only know from online b/c she had cancer,

9) girl who i only know from online b/c she has ostomy.

10) my roommate

Heh, and you know what? if i had even made any teeny effort to make a status update about ANY of know how many texts n emails i woulda been getting? but i didn't really feel like talking about my ass drain. So i didn't. and then it became an interesting sociological study. and THEN it just became a 'thing' for me. Like a test...or a proving ground. Without any of these so-called friends even knowing about it. Yea, yea, yea, i get it, people have lives. people are busy. But it really doesn't take too much outta your busy day to spontaneously check in on, or say hey to, your friend. (i even have a friend who claims to be just so close to me, i've known them since we were in 8th grade, that they have my initials tattooed in the middle of the colon cancer awareness star symbol, on their chest (its about the size, diameter-wise, of a softball. so, not small.)

And do ya think i have even heard from them at all in the past month or so?....nah. pfff.

anywho, sorry this is so long. I just figured, i could vent to you about my irritation at friends not being friends, without offending you. i mean, you and i both know that while we have alot in common in some ways..yea, we're just facebook friends. and i dont expect you to be bending over backwards to be supportive to me. I like our communication. its fun and uncomplicated. (and thankfully, NOT always about cancer. Cuz there's only so much that i want to always be talking about cancer, i think about it enough as it is.) I appreciate you have other humor to share with me.

but damn...these so-called friends of mine that are here in town...they leave something to be desired these days

well...hope your enjoying your day, guess what i'm about to finish eating?? chicken fried bacon! awww yea baby! (its my treat to myself after my doc appt today. a bucket of chicken fried bacon and a bag of deep fried pickle chips (gotta love those hole-in-the-wall hot dog joints,) always find great "horrible for your diet" foods that are PERFECT for my skinny 100 lb self who's trying to put on some weight.


  1. Here's a status update from facebook on Oct 16 2011. She was trying to reach out to her "friends" about her loneliness..simply heartbreaking:

    "really loves the various diff friends she has...and just wishes she saw/heard from them more than i do."

  2. And, a week before on Oct 10 2011 she wrote:

    "phew, after about 4 weeks, i have logged back in and 'liked' 'commented' and read up on all things posted...i thikn i've caught myself back up in FB land...just here to say, I AM alive people...just cuz i'm not constantly plastered all over FB...I AM here y'know. just lettin' ya know ;)"

  3. I remember wanting her to come see me here in MPLS- I wanted to just hang in my back yard on the patio and hammock. Not do anything- just look up into the trees and eat fattening-up snacks...I wanted to pamper her. I would give anything for that to have happened. I had money for a plane ticket- but her leg was really starting to give her trouble and she declined.
    I wish she could've met my daughter. Emily doesn't connect with many- so shy- but I KNOW her and Bec would have clicked. Hard.

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