Fundraiser wrap up

Whew! I had to post this real quick to get myself back in 'good vibe' mode. I just got an auto-reply email from a friend who I'd sent an email to, and it's really just thrown me into the downward spiral of anger, hatred, and sadness....
sssooooo...fundraising wrap-up news. which is ultimately more happy feeling than what i just read.

Last thursday, my awesome roomie threw a pretty impromptu fundraiser for me, which doubled as a birthday party for her. It was held at the super hip Rockit Bar . For being the solo planner and organizer (with a bit of help from me, and her man) Ro pulled off a damn nice event.

Jason from Rockit was super gracious in loaning us the space. He even went as far as to give us a waitress, and two security guards for our section of the club. The band Your Vegas played for the crowd (it was also their lollapalooza pre-party). They were sweet enough to go way out of their way to give us items to raffle off. I mean, WAY outta their way. I was touched.
<--Guitarist, Mat, from Your Vegas

My friends I see frequently all showed, but I also got some surprises from people I hadn't seen in ages...

the scholasticans came out en force

some co-workers
capoeira friends
even my landlady. who was lookin mighty refreshed and hot btw, back from her vacay to Romania.

We had cake with funny captions

plenty of drinks to go around

As well as food, don't forget the food (french fries fried in truffle oil? as that stacy london chic would say "oh shut up!").

I got to squeeze in a mini dance session with hot bodyguard (they DO exist!)

Of course, there was boobage, and full taking advantage of the boobage


Even the most awesome Jon Imerman (of Imerman Angels fame) came through to just celebrate being alive, and getting healthy.

If nothing else in this world, and if nothing else in this life of mine, I at least have more than one (actually, going on like hundreds) of moments that reassure me that people are genuinely kind in their hearts. I know I've said it before, but it is humbling as hell to see so many people come out to support you, some who don't even really know you. It gives me motivation to keep the positive side of me going a bit more than I may have otherwise. Shit is hard. Noone will deny that, and everyone can recognize that. BUT, man, good friends sure do help out the process.

There is another fundraiser in the works already, because, surgery looms near, and the impending costs of both the actual surgery, as well as not being able to work, are bigger than life. It's all intimidating, to say the very very least. But I have the same feeling I had two years ago this month. A feeling of "lets just get this over with already. bring on the surgeon!" I want to get my life back. Hell, I want to get a life to begin with. The past couple months have yanked things out from me that I thought were stable. With everything going on, I feel like I don't even have my own life anymore. I belong to doctors, I am a victim, I am at times set in isolation, at other times set in a glass box for all to view. I just want to get some 'semblance of the life I sorta envision for myself every now and then.

stay tuned for future fundraiser news. Cuz as many many many people can now attest to, don't nobody throw a par-tay in the name of fucking up some tumors like me and my peeps do! ;)

ME

5, 4, 3, 2, 1, GO

I am energy.
I am fire.
I am you, but you don't want to see.
I am why.
I am that.
I am honest, but you don't want to hear.
I am open.
I am air.
I am here, but you don't want to know.
I am wind.
I am life.
I am up, but you don't want to look.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, GO

eat eaT eAT EAT!

I need to gain weight back. I get it. You don't think i'm trying??
I submit exhibit 9-A to the jury:

exhibit 9-B



Exhibit 9-C


It's rough. but i'll take one for the team and eat 6 corn dogs. wwwwhhhy not?

For reference...it's a burger, some fried macaroni and cheese, and a fried twinkie (not pictured)

The last pic....6 count en, 6 corndogs! g'yeah!

Did you know..?

Did you know that diarrhea can lead to really low levels of magnesium and/or calcium and that in turn can cause your toes to sieze up and curl in on themselves completely out of your control?
Did you know how freakish it can be when your own body parts take on a life of their own and move without you trying or wanting them to?
Did you know that you can eat tums for a quick fix of calcium?

Yea, fun weekend.

I woke up this morning and while laying in bed I began to yawn and stretch out. Immediately when I stretched my legs out, my calf muscle just spasmed and cramped up out of no where. I thought it must be something like a charlie horse, although I've never had one. It remained siezed up for a good couple minutes with me just whispering "ow ow ow ow owwww". NOT a fun way to start the day.

Then later in the evening I was just laying on the couch and again out of no where my foot just took on a mind of its own. I literally could watch my toes very slowly fold themselves under each other. and I couldn't make them not do it. I massaged my foot, I put it flat on the floor, I tried to flex my toes upwards. Nope, they just went right on back. Freakish.

I called my doc's office, because this brought back memories of oxaliplatin's nasty neuropathy side effects from two winters ago. And I'm not ON oxaliplatin now.

Luckily my doc happened to be the one on call, and he enlightened me that Erbitux (that wonderful beast) has been known to cause drops in magnesium and potassium etc, and that you can also have low levels from diarrhea. Which, in my own special kpoucher kinda way, I guess you could say I've had. I knew I wasn't gettiing the fluids that I should be. But damn it's hard to drink alot.
Anywho, that's been the focal point of my sunday. For now I'm just keeping an eye out. Doc is gonna check the bloodwork I got done on friday to see if they also checked my magnesium levels.

aaahhhh. the good life.

oh yea, documenting

The documentation for today? After a wonderful weekend spent alone getting chemo-fried?

I hate everything.

Aw Shucks

Secret admirerererrrs? Wowie.
(oh yea, just for the record, I wasn't intentionally fishing for compliments or vying for attention or anything. though I'm sure none of you thought that).
Just down in the dumps.
But thanks for the kind uplifting comments. helps.

As if I didn't look young enough already

Alright, I said I was gonna 'document' stuff more. So *gulp* here goes.
Documentation of the evil phenomena known as "erbirash"
(jeez I hate seeing myself so close up)

the comparison picture below was taken just a few weeks ago.

I look like a pimply-faced teenager. I am not cute.

And this is how I normally can be seen while on chemo:
Don't I just look thrilled.

There ya have it. I guess when I've bitched in the past about how people don't seem to fully grasp that you're "sick" or not well, if you don't look like the typical chemo patient...didn't lose your hair, no outward signs of illness....Guess this time around chemo made sure I got some outwardly visible signs.

Damn I shoulda kept my mouth shut.