Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Don't call it a comeback...

(yay to random hip hop references and anyone who catches em)

Hey pretty and kissable humans of the internet.
What can I say....I've neglected to communicate as much as I wanted to. You know how it goes, the best of intentions...right.

But, I feel I need to be back on this here blog, considering I have more stuff to blog about. for a bit of an update since the new year, it's been both productive and not.

I wanted to make this the year I get back on my feet. I won this great scholarship money, that was supposed to help me get some more edumacationen and get set up in the field I wanted to get into. I had new motivations. new dedications. new focus. new drive. I was busy making sure I acknowledged good things going on around me. Good friends. good food. good clothes, whatever.

I got to be in good company...
I grew as a person...
I experienced even more new things...

fastforward few months later to now, May 22nd, and I am gearing up to go in for some more chemo.

whaaaaa? yea. I got punched in the neck once again. Why? I do not know. a spot on my cervix decided to show up and cause ruckus. Is it caught early on? eh..i dunno. how can a reoccurance be considered 'early' or not? I's there. from the original. so I'm not sure how to view that.
Is it small? eh...I'd like to think so. I hear it's like, half the size of a dime. sounds smallish to me. But i guess I don't know how to compare it.
What's the plan of action? three to four more cycles of chemo. starting tomorrow (or today, depending on what time it is when I finish typing this).
Wonderful Folfiri, Erbitux, and Avastin. three days, every two weeks.
Then, I suppose scan me to find out how it's working, and figure out what to do from there, surgery? more chemo? who knows.

If I want to think of it in terms of the "lesser of two evils" I will least it's not the liver or the lungs? I don't know how good that makes me feel. But it's something.

You wanna know what I dread the most out of chemo? And I don't care how trivial it's the benadryl. They pump you so fucking full of benadryl its like being hit by a mack truck. A very well driven mack truck that knows exactly how to hit you so that you're still fully alert and aware but yet not able to participate or really move in any capacity.

So...I've least for the moment, that I'm gonna document stuff. Moreso than I ever did before. Paula's let me use her video camera, and even playing the role as my personal camera woman. I have camera, will travel. Lets do this. I dunno what i'll do with the stuff I document...but...i'll have it. to do whatever with.

Look to hear more from me. I guess. If I can keep it up.

Good thoughts and energy guys. Get that prayer power going for me. I sure need it!


  1. We love you Rebecca! As always I am impressed by your courage... You'll be in my thoughts. Be awesome!

  2. Ugh so I just left you a long comment and it didn't go thru, this is just a test comment to see if this one works...

  3. Damn... this is me re-writing my comment.

    First of all, I was just talking about your blog yesterday, so reading this news today really bums me out. Please please please let me know if there is anything I can do for you to help.

    Also, as for your video documentation, you could start a youtube channel a "vlog" if you will :)

    Have you ever seen Morgan Phillips youtube videos chronicling his fight with the hodge (sorry, most of my insight is hodge related) but anywho, it's amazingly hilllarious and insightful. You can see it here

    Hang in there, I hope all went well today or tomorrow whatever day it is :)

    Let me know if there is anything I can do.

  4. Becca darlin', this sucks. Love you dearly. And I know you're tough, but let me know what I can do to help from so far away. I'll keep checking in. Hugs & kisses.

  5. Mamma said knock cancer out.

    What, the cancer wants *more* ass kickin'? All right, Becca, give it hell, take no prisoners and all the other war cliches you can think of.

    I'm rooting for you out here in Cali.

    Oh yeah, and Fuck Cancer.

  6. Ah...the smell of chemo in the you are hauling ass to the bathroom pumped full of liquids praying you won't fall of the toilet because they also gave you the 'sleepy stuff' being drunk without the benefit of a good buzz...

    I am so glad you are documenting have such a great perspective and view on things. hey...maybe you can be like that chic from "Crazy Sexy Cancer" and get yourself a HOT camera guy (they seem to be a decent lot from the ones I've worked with) ; ) But worked out well for her!

    Love you girl! Let us know what we can do for you.