Saturday, January 13, 2007

I do not want to be defined by poop

You ever get tired of hearing someone complain? I have friends that will just go on and on and on about their lack of relationship luck, or career luck, or family luck...or hell, even bad luck with pop tarts (yes, pop tarts.)
I'm a good listener, when i wanna be. But obviously you can get tired of listening to someone whine eventually. Generally I don't say anything, I figure, people gotta vent, they gotta vent. And I enjoy that I can give someone that freedom to do just that. No matter how trivial an issue it may be. (Yes, you may really really really just HATE Rachel Ray and want to drop kick her in the neck. And sometimes you just need to let that out)
I've started to aggravate myself these days though. I'm actually sick of hearing myself complain. And complain about what, you may ask?
I'm tired of talking about what I can do to make going to the bathroom easier. Or faster. And those of you who know what kinda plumbing I'm working with these days...know exactly what I'm talking about.
I don't wanna hear it. I hate how at least once a day I end up growling at this hole in my stomach and muttering "just go in you sunnuvabitch...WOOOORRRRK!" I know noone in their right mind is gonna tell me to quite complaining. I think I've pretty much earned my whining rights for the year by now. probably longer. And I think my knee jerk reaction to someone telling me to quit my whining would be to of course, dropkick them in the neck. (well, when i am capable of dropkicking again, naturally).
But me myself, I'M tired of it. I do not want to be defined by my bathroom habits and quality of my poop.
AAALLLTHOUGH...if i HAD to be judged on my poop...I must say, it's pretty decent poop. Nice uniform texture and consistency. And yes it may not ever actually be in the form of a turd (sorry, no Mr. Hanky's here) it is actually quite spectacular. But I digress.
I'm just not too keen on being a slave to my toilet. Or rather, My catheter. I want to be more concerned with perfecting my pop tart toasting skills. Or perhaps updating my myspace page? Now THAT is something worthy of being obsessive over.
(and now i shall plug my myspace page for all you curious spectators: ta-da)

While I had not come up with any New Years Resolutions (lose weight?? HA, Chemo handled that one for me. Thanks). I think I'll change my mind.

My new years resolution? (albeit a bit late)...

Do not let shit rule my life!!!!

Aaaaahhhhh yes. Feels good to say it loud and proud.

So while I will of course continue to talk about my ass, and my poop. I must also enlighten the masses to my other really really grand qualities. Like my ability to contort my mug into magnificently unflattering faces:

Feliz Novo Ano!

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