Wednesday, January 31, 2007

The gift of....Cancer?

Those of you who actually know me in person (or as in person as you can get on, say, email or aim) know that for the most part, I'm a cynical person. I've got a pretty sarcastic and dry sense of humor, and am just kinda...well, sardonic.
That being said, what with being diagnosed with a deadly condition and all, lots of people have either pointed out to me, or I've read, that you grow to appreciate everything so much more after diagnosis.
You really begin to realize how relevant the phrase "Life is Short" is, and appreciate life in ways others simply cannot.
Now, I'm not saying that is not the case. I certainly know when to stop and acknowledge those moments when I'm truly enjoying life. Those times when you're just feeling good, not thinking in the future and just in the moment.
But I was watching some show on TLC titled (and I kid you not) "The Man Whose Arms Exploded". It was about Bodybuilders and steroids, but specifically followed some guy who had the biggest biceps in the world.Guinness Book winner, and a true freak (his own words, not mine).

So they are interviewing this dude about how he got so big, and was on so many drugs that he gave himself an infection from a bad needle, and developed a hematoma in his arm. So he tried to 'fix' it on his own by poking at it trying to drain it. Needless to say, it didn't work.
Anywho, my point in telling you about that is...I watched as they interviewed all sorts of bodybuilders and experts about what they referred to as "bigarexia". Sorta the anti-anorexia. The compulsion of these men to want to be bigger and bigger regardless of how they do it.

And I started getting really annoyed.

Because of the audacity of people with perfectly healthy working bodies to subject it to dangerous substances purely for vanities sake. Hell, here I am happy to be alive, and working on getting over having my abdomen sliced open and an asshole placed on my belly. And YOU'RE pumping yourself full of steroids for the hell of it?!?

It just got me thinking about all of these silly things people do to themselves in general. Plastic surgery, cosmetic surgery, body modification, etc. And all for what? Vanity? The need to fill some void in your life? Low self esteem? Daddy issues??

I suppose I'm very happy that I can adjust so easily. But that's not to say that, if given the choice I wouldn't take the option of just having a normal body with no ill treatment side effects, no surgeries, no weird new orifaces. And the fact that there are aaaaalllll these people who are seemingly ignorant and unappreciative of the simple joy of having a plain ol' normal everyday body...really grates my nerves.

So cancer should basically wake you up to life, and how good it is and can be (goes without saying it also shows you how horrid it can be). But I guess it gives you alot of other perspectives on life, and silly humans. I'll have to start documenting every "gift" this bastard cancer has blessed me with. Starting with the super-human ability to recognize how ridiculous our vanity can get....wait, can that be considered a gift?


  1. to body builders its a hobby, something to do, just like import tuners, gangbangers, Duck hunters and Married Swingers. its a way to pass the time. unfortunately some hobbies are way more dangerous than others.

  2. I totally agree with you. It makes me nuts too. I have a friend who, about 3 years after my surgery for colon cancer, had surgery for breast implants. I was totally livid. I still can't seem to find the reason why anyone would want to put yourself through surgery and pain for your looks! It's so foreign to me. I've had five surgeries (not all related to my colon) in my life and I would rather die than do someting just because I am not totally happy with my body. To make matters worse, she constantly belittles me (I doubt on purpose, but it still hurts) about how painful and awful and expensive her surgery was! Man, I still have side effects six years later and am still paying for it! Don't talk to me about it!!! I think going through what we've been through (you more than me) gives us a different outlook on life. Life is so fragile and to be here and healthy, means the world to me.

  3. Hi there~
    I just found your blog and was happy to do so :)
    I'm six years in remission from stage lll colon cancer. I was diagnosed at age 29.

    I've not met anyone to this day that has has colon cancer at sucha young age. Twas noce to find your blog. to read your archives.

    I've blogged about cancer on my blog too. Feel free to vist me :)

  4. I agree with you too. Some people place too much importance on their outward image. I would not put myself, after 3 surgeries, into another by choice.

    Do you have a choice for reversal?

  5. You are talking about someone who takes chances with one's body, just as someone who has plastic surgery. I feel sorry for the guy, something in his life has caused him to have a distorted view of his body, I guess. I saw the picture, and thought he looked good, really good, like Conan. About plastic surgery, I would not say I couldn't. I may have breast implants one day for perkiness, or a partial face lift. After being what I have been through, those ideas are minor and if they help another's self esteem after pooping out your belly, you deserve anything you want, go for it! Being cut open from center belly to crotch hair is alot different. Don't look down on anyone who was done something they wanted to do after a life threatening illness was taken care of. They are treating themselves like they have been at deaths door and the door was luckily still closed. Leslie