sept 2011. this short little post was before the hemorrhaging and before the label of "inoperable" was stamped on bec's forehead.
man. i wanna say i'm up for fighting, and all that. But gggoooooodddamn. they REALLY know how to make a girl not feel like she's got any hope.
i met with gyne onc on friday, and he told me about all the various 'tests' i'll have to pass in order to even be a candidate for the surgery and that most people don't ever pass them.
and then if they do...well, than i'm still faced with the "how are you guys gonna make me able to pee" decision.
four surgeons, one gyne, 2 colorectal, and one urological surgeon.
i'm just at a mental breaking point. i mean...in one respect, i'm like "BRING IT THE FUCK ON!" i am sick and fucking tired of cancer. period. and if THIS is the only option they give me, than bring it. and cancer is going the fuck down.
but for the most part, i'm just extremely scared. i hate the unknown.
and for the past 5 years i've been one giant unknown.