I lost this journal after the last entry, right before this & just found it wedged between my bed and my wall (duh, what an obvious place) almost a year later and...I'M STILL HERE! surprise! just celebrated my 30th bday last weekend. HOLYSHIT...THIRTY!! fuckin' hell. didn't think I'd see the day. literally I had phases in the past year where I sincerely thought I wouldn't make 30. but true to stubborn becca-form, I made it here.
I don't know if I'm any better for it though.
I reconnected w/ a friend from college, miguel and after many long coffee-shop talks, he's inspired to do a quasi-documentary based off my blog. he's a crazy awesome film-maker. (award-winning, I suppose that's impressive) but more so than awards, he has got to be one of THE most charismatic men I've ever met. the man has an energy about him that is addictive and tangible and crazy-infectious! he somehow has me feeling that he "gets it". NOT that he knows how it feels to BE me but he damn sure has qualified into the area of empathy, that i'm comfortable he gets what I've been griping about. what's in my head may actually make it out to a large audience afterall. and if nothing else, being on film will somehow or another give me immortality. I guess I have subconciously been desiring a way to leave a mark somehow. why else would I have posed half naked in a calendar? how else would I explain blogging? we've been shooting since end of october/beginning of november. I've got an adorable bunch of young talented film-student crew. they're all amazing and it's been a fun new ride having them all a part of my life. I'm hoping in a couple of weeks to see a rough cut. it's awkward seeing yourself in film context. I think I play off very well. so far, I've loved what I've seen. wow, this entry almost sounds POSITIVE! go figure.