Don't call it a comeback...

(yay to random hip hop references and anyone who catches em)

Hey pretty and kissable humans of the internet.
What can I say....I've neglected to communicate as much as I wanted to. You know how it goes, the best of intentions...right.

But, I feel I need to be back on this here blog, considering I have more stuff to blog about. for a bit of an update since the new year, it's been both productive and not.

I wanted to make this the year I get back on my feet. I won this great scholarship money, that was supposed to help me get some more edumacationen and get set up in the field I wanted to get into. I had new motivations. new dedications. new focus. new drive. I was busy making sure I acknowledged good things going on around me. Good friends. good food. good clothes, whatever.

I got to be in good company...
I grew as a person...
I experienced even more new things...

fastforward few months later to now, May 22nd, and I am gearing up to go in for some more chemo.

whaaaaa? yea. I got punched in the neck once again. Why? I do not know. a spot on my cervix decided to show up and cause ruckus. Is it caught early on? eh..i dunno. how can a reoccurance be considered 'early' or not? I mean...it's there. from the original. so I'm not sure how to view that.
Is it small? eh...I'd like to think so. I hear it's like, half the size of a dime. sounds smallish to me. But i guess I don't know how to compare it.
What's the plan of action? three to four more cycles of chemo. starting tomorrow (or today, depending on what time it is when I finish typing this).
Wonderful Folfiri, Erbitux, and Avastin. three days, every two weeks.
Then, I suppose scan me to find out how it's working, and figure out what to do from there, surgery? more chemo? who knows.

If I want to think of it in terms of the "lesser of two evils" I will say...at least it's not the liver or the lungs? I don't know how good that makes me feel. But it's something.

You wanna know what I dread the most out of chemo? And I don't care how trivial it sounds...it's the benadryl. They pump you so fucking full of benadryl its like being hit by a mack truck. A very well driven mack truck that knows exactly how to hit you so that you're still fully alert and aware but yet not able to participate or really move in any capacity.

So...I've decided..at least for the moment, that I'm gonna document stuff. Moreso than I ever did before. Paula's let me use her video camera, and even playing the role as my personal camera woman. I have camera, will travel. Lets do this. I dunno what i'll do with the stuff I document...but...i'll have it. to do whatever with.

Look to hear more from me. I guess. If I can keep it up.

Good thoughts and energy guys. Get that prayer power going for me. I sure need it!